Why Parts of Us Keep Us Awake: Alleviating Insomnia with Self-Compassion for Restorative Sleep

💙 IFS & Insomnia: How Self-Compassion Alleviates Sleep Disruptions for Deep Rest

Discover how parts of us disrupt sleep, how IFS (Internal Family Systems) helps with insomnia, and how self-compassion can restore your ability to sleep deeply and peacefully.

🌙 Introduction: The Parts of Us That Keep Us Awake

Have you ever found yourself lying in bed, wide awake, despite being utterly exhausted? Maybe your mind is racing with worries, or an inner voice keeps replaying a conversation from earlier in the day. Or perhaps you feel a deep, inexplicable restlessness, as if some part of you just doesn’t want to let go.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle with sleep because different parts of us—fearful, anxious, or even overprotective—won’t let us rest. These parts aren’t trying to harm us; they’re trying to keep us safe, even if their methods seem unhelpful.

By using the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and practicing self-compassion, we can start to listen to these parts with kindness, soften their fears, and allow the body and mind to surrender to restorative sleep.

Before we dig into some of this, I want also to mention that it is important to look at our daily habits such as caffeine consumption in the evening, alcoholic beverages, late meals, nutrient dense foods, movement, and exposure to daylight. All have known physiologic effects. Take note as to what simple behaviors can improve or hinder sleep. Healthy meals, exercise, and daylight fuel the body and prime us to enjoy better sleep in alignment with our circadian rhythms. While we may not be able to do these things perfectly all of the time, having a good percentage in practicing good sleep hygiene can help us identify disrupters more easily.

🧩 Understanding IFS: Why We Have Parts That Disrupt Sleep

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model that helps us understand that we all have different “parts” within us. These parts are like inner voices or roles we’ve developed over time to protect us. Exploring sleep disruption through this compassionate lens can help us gain insight and inspire creative solutions that ease the vicious cycle leading to sleep deprivation.

When it comes to sleep, certain parts of us might resist rest due to past experiences, fears, or ingrained beliefs. Here are some common parts that may show up at bedtime:

1. The Worrier

This part replays the events of the day, overanalyzes interactions, or fixates on the future.

It may believe that by staying awake, it can prevent bad things from happening.

2. The Inner Critic

This part judges us for not being productive enough, for not handling something “better,” or even for not sleeping well.

It often creates anxiety and tension, making it even harder to rest.

3. The Protector

This part may have learned that being hyper-vigilant keeps us safe, especially if we’ve experienced trauma or stress in the past.

It may resist deep relaxation because it associates letting go with danger.

4. The Overachiever

This part keeps us busy and convinced that there’s always one more thing we should do before bed.

It might believe for example, that rest equals laziness or failure.

5. The Restless Child

This part may feel unseen, unheard, or unsettled.

It may keep us tossing and turning, looking for comfort.

When these parts are active, they keep us in a state of hyperarousal, where sleep becomes difficult or fragmented. But instead of fighting these parts or trying to silence them, we can learn to meet them with understanding and self-compassion.

💙 Self-Compassion Strategies to Soothe the Mind and Body for Sleep

Instead of battling insomnia with frustration, we can create a gentle dialogue with the parts of us that struggle with sleep. Here are self-compassionate practices to ease into rest:

1. Meet Your Parts with Kindness

The next time you find yourself awake at night, try this:

Gently ask: “Who’s awake in me right now?”

Listen with curiosity: Is it the Worrier? The Inner Critic? The Protector?

Acknowledge their intention: “I see that you’re trying to keep me safe.”

Offer reassurance: “It’s okay, I’m here. We’re safe. We can rest now.”

Simply noticing and acknowledging your inner parts can ease the resistance to sleep.

2. Reframe Rest as Productive

If an Overachiever part is keeping you awake, try this self-talk:

💭 “Rest is not wasted time. Sleep is an act of self-care, and it makes me more capable, creative, and present.”

3. Offer Comfort to the Restless Child

If you feel restless or anxious, try speaking to yourself the way you would comfort a child:

💭 “I know it’s hard to settle down, but I’m here. Let’s take a deep breath together. You are safe.”

You can also try self-soothing techniques like:

Having a relaxing bedtime routine like a shower, light stretching, or foot bath

Hugging a body pillow

Giving yourself a foot massage

Whispering kind words to yourself

4. Release Perfectionism Around Sleep

If your Inner Critic is saying, “You should be sleeping by now!” respond with self-kindness:

💭 “It’s okay. My body knows how to rest. Even lying here is giving my body some restoration.”

Taking the pressure off sleep actually helps it come more naturally.

🌿 Practical Tips for Restorative Sleep

While working with our inner parts is powerful, we also need practical strategies to support the body in letting go. Here are simple ways to create a restful environment:

1. Create a Wind-Down Ritual

Dim the lights an hour before bed

Read a calming book or listen to gentle music

Avoid screens that emit blue light

2. Practice a “Worry Dump”

Write down anything on your mind before bed; this can range from journaling to post it notes or a “to do” list for the next day.

Tell yourself: “These thoughts will be here tomorrow, and I can handle them then.”

3. Use Breathwork and Grounding Techniques

Try 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8

Try simply inhahing and exhaling at a pace that feels relaxing

Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly, feeling the rise and fall of your breath

4. Reconnect to the Present Moment

If your mind is racing, focus on sensory details:

Feel the softness of your blankets

Listen to distant sounds in the night

Notice the rhythm of your breath

5. Set a Gentle Intention for Sleep

Instead of forcing sleep, try this:

💭 “I invite rest. I trust my body. Sleep will come in its own time.”

🌙 Conclusion: Letting Go and Trusting Sleep

Sleep is not something we can force—it’s something we can invite. When parts of us resist rest, it’s not because they are against us, but because they are trying to protect us in their own way. By meeting these parts with curiosity, compassion, and kindness, we create the safety needed to truly let go.

So tonight, instead of battling insomnia, try a different approach:

🌿 Listen to your inner voices with compassion.

🌙 Reassure them that it’s okay to rest or that rest will offer a new slate in the new day.

💙 Trust that sleep will come when your body is ready.

You deserve deep, restorative sleep. And your inner world—every part of you—deserves to be met with understanding.

Wishing you calm, restorative sleep with sweet dreams. 🌙✨

For support with improving your sleep with sleep science through a compassionate IFS lens, feel free to connect at Theresa@Altraform.com

Theresa Walsh Velendzas is a Level 3 trained Certified IFS Practitioner and regularly assists as a Program Assistant in IFSI trainings. As a dually Board Certified Coach (BCC, NBC-HWC) Personal Trainer, Certified Sleep and Nutrition Coach, and Breathwork Coach, Theresa is passionate about bringing compassionate approaches into coaching through her psychology background to bridge the gap between therapy and coaching. Self portrait in nature with her walking companion, Stella.